He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
