Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Rumble strips road head = magical
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize