i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
