I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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