she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
