i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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