just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
