I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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