We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
