yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
