Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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