Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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