Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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