I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
