i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
