Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
