i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
