Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
