my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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