The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't turn off my feet"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize