took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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