oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
