Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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