there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
