what day is it and did you see me today?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
