i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My bed smells like the plague
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