Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
