The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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