can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
