I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
