Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
