I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
