oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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