The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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