I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
