If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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