i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
