If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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