Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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