Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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