; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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