So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
