Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
