We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i drank out of a bidet.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
