Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
