Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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