his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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