Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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