i just had sex bonerless
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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