I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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