He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She even gives head with a lisp.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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