Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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