is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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