My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
