It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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