Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
