By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
