My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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