Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
