i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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