I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
