saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
