Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We need to get me chipped asap
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
