why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
