He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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