I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
