Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
