I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
