is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
