The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize