Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
