I cockslap morals
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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