HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
