Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
