Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
