I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
