I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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