I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
