And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
