He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
