His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
